You know that feeling when you know that something is different? That something has changed? That something old has ended and something new is beginning? That you’re faced with a crossroads and you know that it’s time to just pick a road and keep on trucking? Well, if you don’t know that feeling, you will. And more than once.
This getting older thing has its benefits. For one – you start to recognize these things when they’re happening. Not just looking back on them in hindsight – it’s easy to see them then – but to actually feel them happening as they are happening. I’m glad I finally learned to recognize these little life detours. They’re everywhere. You find yourself floating along and then something or someone comes along (or moves along, as they case may be) and you no longer see anything the same again. You never see you the same again.
I know I can sometimes be a little dramatic. A little too analytical. A little naive. But you know what? Who cares? I am who I am. And when something happens, I feel it. I sense it. I know it. I can sometimes run from it like a scared little baby rather than facing it, I do admit that. But I recognize it. And this is one of those times.
I’m starting to remember the old me. The dreamer. The one who took risks, regardless of the odds that were against her. That me has been asleep for a while. She started waking up a little at a time earlier this year, but all of a sudden, in the past few months, the truth of who I am has been shining so bright I can’t shield my eyes from it anymore. I’m not bitter. I’m not jaded. I’m not tough and I don’t really have walls built up. I just pretend to be all those things so I don’t have to show the real me and get rejected again. What I really want to do is get on here and shout out to the world that yes, I have royally messed up in this whole love department thing. But it doesn’t matter. I still believe! I still think it’s out there. I still know that that soul mate business is not really a load of crap (like I like to tell people it is), but that it is real. It is true. It is right there waiting for me and all I have to do is reach out and grab it. And you know what? I think I may just do that.
We have one life. And the events of this earth lately should make us all look around and realize that it could end any second when we least expect it. So take those chances. Take the risk even when the odds are against you. Who cares? Just live. That’s all there is to it. Put fear aside and be willing to look like a fool.
As long as you tried, then you won.
I’m ready for my next victory. How about you?
~ 05/01/11 ~